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Lori's Writing Notebook

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With Me All Along

Posted by Lori on February 11, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Though you were created in a rebellious act by love struck teenagers, I knew you in the womb. I brought you into this world and kept you safe.

The old man you used to talk to through the fence, back in Chicago, the one who was kind and gentle and told you it was good to pick the dandelions, the one who gave you lollipops because he knew it would be your only treat, that was Me. I wanted you to feel safe and have a place of refuge from the disturbing things you heard and saw inside your house.

When you were digging for treasures in the dirt around the old oak tree in Massachusetts, I was there. With a spoon from the kitchen you scraped the dirt until you found something that delighted you, a small glass bottle. The joy you experienced as you released it from the earth's grip, wiped it clean with your shirt and ran to show your family, that pure joy was My gift to you, but you didn't know it then.

When you took some marijuana from your parent's stash and tried to smoke it in the woods, though no one was looking, I made it a repulsive taste to you, and you buried it without ever getting a lung full.

The boy your mother let come into your bedroom when you were just a small girl, the one who wanted you to get under the sheets with him, I saw him and kept him back at your refusal. I knew how uncomfortable and confused you were, I kept you safe.

Years later, on that day you were so desperate for friendship, you had decided to try smoking pot again and your friend had agreed to let you, I saw how terrified you were. I saw how much you really didn't want to do it and I sent a distraction. I protected you from what I knew would destroy you.

There came a time however when the world around you grew very dark. It had shattered the framework of your life and left you without hope. You didn't cry out for Me, you didn't know who I was. You grasped at anything that could bring you comfort. Many destructive decisions were made by you, very fast and repeatedly.

You turned to alcohol and random guys to fill the void your shattered life created. You were looking for love but only received rejection and self loathing. You tried to take better care of yourself but soon learned that it wasn't the physical body that was destroyed, it was something inside, something you couldn't identify.

I knew you needed to become broken before you would look for Me. You needed to see that you could not do everything on your own. You alone could not fix what you did not understand.

Shortly after you made the scariest mistake of your life, after you put yourself in a very dangerous situation, you realized that you needed help. I kept you safe, though you did not know it at the time. You finally understood that no matter how many recovery groups you attended, you needed to find Me.

Then it happened and I remember it very well. It was a day I will never forget and I will treasure always. You came back outdoors to meet Me. I heard the desire stirring in your heart. From inside your being, you called out to Me.

You were walking around a deep blue lake with tall pine trees surrounding it. As you walked through the trees, you looked up and asked Me if I was real. You told Me that you thought I was in the trees and in the water and in the sky. You began to recognize Me.

I brought you to a place where you would finally realize the depth of who I am. You heard about Jesus, my Son, who I sent to earth to die for your sins. He offered you forgiveness for everything you had done and you poured out a confession and let the blood of Christ the Lord wash over you, making you clean.

The gift I gave you as a little girl was once again restored. My joy now filled you to overflowing when you received my Son as Lord of your life. Not only did the church rejoice with singing and praises, but all of heaven celebrated your joining the Kingdom of God.

Though you still made mistakes and made poor choices after you gave your life over to Jesus, I never left you. You still tried to handle your life's issues on your own and did what you wanted without consulting Me. You knew that it wasn't right, but you chose to do it anyway. Now you live with the consequences.

You recently surrendered it all to Me. You finally reached a point where you handed over the reins and let Me fully control your life. You have grown into a deep relationship with Jesus and He is now all you need and want.

Get ready to experience the greatest journey of your life. I will not let you down. I am the Lord your God and I have great things in store for you. You are a vessel I will use for My greater purpose. The joy you have for the Lord will be carried with you wherever you go. Let Jesus be your guide. Trust Me. I love you dear child. I always have. You were made for such a time as this. My will be done.




Categories: Short Stories

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Reply Jenn
3:21 PM on February 15, 2014 
wonderful writing. Honest and simple yet deeply layered with emotion. Loved the retrospect and your ability to define faults as well as strengths. Easily held my attention and time sequencing flowed well.
Reply Lori
7:37 PM on February 13, 2014 
Received another comment via email:

Beautiful in its reach and depth. I cried as I read and learned and realized the tears where more joyous than sad - as if you were seeing an old friend after time kept you distant. WELL DONE!
Reply Lori
3:42 PM on February 12, 2014 
received this comment in an email:

So honest, so revealing, so well written, as a seasoned author would share. You have arrived.